No More Mormonism: Perk # 1

Okay, so you all know the perks. I've blogged them before. Like, you know, being informed and not feeling guilty for silly things like listening to my music too loud.

And here's another one.

Someone (a very devout Mormon) just judgmentally commented on Facebook about "leggings not being pants."

Pshh. When you're pregnant (and not...I totally wear them non-pregnant as well) they definitely are pants.

So when MoMos say, "Ew, those aren't pants,"

I can merrily go on my way and think, "Oh yes they are." As I thoroughly enjoy my cotton stretchy pants.

Comfiest things in the world.

I choose comfort over fashion any day. Nudity is best. Don't worry, though. I'll refrain from going out in public in the newd to spare the children. They aren't ready to see this.

I promise I'm not bitter.

Valentines Day.

It's just not my holiday. I only like my flowers live (ones that will continue to grow), and I'm not into jewelry.

And I sort of hate roses. They're too cliche.

And stuff like this and this? Ew.

Anyone else feel this way?

Life is Beautiful

I'm going to get real cheesy and serious for a moment...and I'm not quite sure how to put it into words.

You know when you play a certain song that just takes you back? Like, one summer, you had a playlist and there was that one song you repeated over and over and over again. And every time you hear that song it takes you back... You remember with almost perfect clarity how you felt during those times.

One of my most memorable playlists was right smack in the middle of an identity crisis. The "Mormon Exodus" one.

I listened to some of those songs the other day (this one in particular) and I remember how I felt. Confused. Hopeful on some days; hopeless on others. Depressed. Strong. My emotions were all over the place. It's hard to put them into words.

I know you've all been there. We've all had our own identity crisis or hard time. Whatever you want to call it.

The other day, I played the above song...and it struck me. I made it out of that. And I really didn't think I would. And I'm not just okay, but thriving. It's hard to be in that "identity crisis" place and see a light at the end of the tunnel. But here I am, feeling my baby boy kick, my husband is studying right beside me, one dog to the side, another at my feet...

For a while, I couldn't see that light at the end of that tunnel and I didn't think I would.

And here I am. I've been outta that tunnel for a while.

Life is beautiful.

Random Shit

1. People are still playing music on their blogs. Non-pregnant Erin disliked it. Pregnant Erin wants it to die. I always forget that the music is going to start so, when it does start, I jump EVERY TIME. Really, I'm mostly just bugged that my dignity is hurt because I never learn to push mute. Here I am, vowing to remember that someone has music on their blog and to push mute, and then I forget. And then I get startled. And then I want to throw my computer (which is already broken). Pregnancy, guys. It's a beautiful thing.

2. Little Jack gets the hiccups just about everyday (that I can feel). I love it so much...which kinda makes me feel guilty...because I hate the hiccups...but I'm kinda selfish. I love feeling this little boy move...so I love his hiccups...even though I wish I could rub his little belly and make him feel better.

3. I had a minor breakdown in the baby aisle at Target. I went to get bottles but there was SO MUCH STUFF. Diaper pads to throw in your diaper bag, burp cloths, socks, bath time stuff, breast pumps, pacifiers, and a whole ton of different types of bottles (just to name a few). I stood in that damn aisle for an hour just staring at products. Completely overwhelmed. I ended up tearing up, started to feel myself get hot, grabbed a pack of bottles (that I had been staring at for about 20 minutes), two pairs of $1 socks, and then I booked it outta there.

4. My boobs look fantastic - clothed, at least. Naked, they're like obscene, porn star boobs. Kind of scary.

5. (And this is the most important) I had an ultrasound last week and I can't get over how CUTE Jack was. He was very awake (and seemingly aware) and was sucking on his fist. He'd suck on it, take it out, put his fist down, bring it back up to his face, and put it back in his mouth. He seemed very deliberate about his movements. I was dying. It was so cute.

Bonus: I can guarantee you that there are going to be lots of blog posts about this little boy because he will be a GIANT part of my life, but I sure hope I don't forget to blog about other things that are important to me... Or to "lose myself." You know? Where do you moms find a good balance?

Wive's Tales?

I'm a skeptical person. About most things.

So, naturally, when I started googling "am I having a boy or a girl?" and found plenty of articles about wive's tales, I didn't believe them. Just about all of them pointed to "boy" but reading those articles felt like the equivalent of reading my astrology report for the month. I just don't believe in that stuff...

But, sure enough, I'm having a boy...and just about all of the wive's tales about having a boy were true for me.

1. He hangs so, so low. I'm barely 21 weeks and my back already wants to break.
2. Bright yellow pee. Gross. I know (and this is coming from someone who drinks lots of water and...don't hate me...forgets to take prenatals everyday).
3. Manly cravings. Beef and milk (and green beans). Especially at first. Candy and sweet stuff sounded disgusting for those first three months.
4. I was hardly sick at all. I barfed ONE TIME because I gagged on a toothbrush. At 8.5 weeks, I asked the doctor why I wasn't feeling very sick and if everything was okay. I got an eye-roll as a response.
5. I felt...attractive. Especially at first. My skin was "glowing," my hair thick and full of body - and my BOOBS...oh, my boobs...

I'm sure there are more, but those were the most common ones I found.

The major wive's tale that DIDN'T point to a boy was his heart rate. It was in the 170's just about every time we went to hear his little heart beat.

Did wive's tales ring true for you?

Weird Pregnancy Quirks: 4

I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this...

But when you find out you're expecting you begin to care less and less about most things. Except for baby bathtubs, diapers, clothes, crib bedding, and the like.

I really feel like I can, and will, say anything I want. You're bugging me? I'll tell you. I think you're the coolest person on the planet? I'll tell you.

But, in all seriousness...the things that have almost come out of my mouth!

For instance, I work at a place where I need to be nice to people...but as soon as someone gives me attitude, I very willingly give it right back - playfully. My mom would be proud. But I just don't care what this person thinks of me...and as soon as they can tell, the air is cleared. Ice is broken. You know what I mean? As soon as you're not impressed, they give up the act (or just get pissed...but I don't deal with those people anymore - I pass them off...before I say something I will really regret).

And a few people have given me pregnancy advice that was unwanted...and my response was GOLDEN (unless, of course, pregnancy hormones made me THINK they were golden - which is very likely as well).

I kind of feel like a superhero. Like, if someone I really didn't like were to say something horrible to me, I would just laugh. Really laugh. And I would win. I just don't give a shit.

I feel like I can say whatever I want.

Remember my missionary post? If they were to come over, I'd feed them, and tell them that I was completely not interested and to not come over (unless, of course, they really needed food).

Pregnancy rocks.

Weird Pregnancy Quirks: 3

While I had a couple of very scary, pregnancy-hormone-laced moments, pregnancy has made me uncharacteristically cuddly.

You must know this about me: I'm not a hugger. Not even a little bit. And while I was cuddly as a toddler, I grew out of that.

When Jake and I first got married, I thought it was kind of weird that he wanted to hold my hand, snuggle on the couch, and kiss all the time. ALL THE TIME.

Oh, how the tables have turned. The poor man is always trying to study for school...when all of a sudden, I'm on him like this (Do you guys remember those?? So awesome.)

My poor dogs are also enduring this new, cuddly Erin. Scout loves it. Lucy...it scares her.

I'm just praying Jack will be cuddly to keep this trend going.

Oh, and HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

Weird Pregnancy Quirks: 2

First of all, how many of you moms slept like a dream when you were pregnant? Just because it would probably be inaccurate of me to say, "0% of you!!" I'll guess that a tiny, TINY percentage of you were able to sleep okay during pregnancy.

For me, terrible sleep began right at the beginning. Not even because I was uncomfortable. But because I went from sound-sleeper-who-can-sleep-through-earthquakes to "WTF-is-that-noise?? Oh-it's-just-my-husband-breathing-quietly."

So if Jake moved at all during sleep, Erin's scary pregnancy hormones turned her into someone they both didn't know.

On one particular night, Jake put his arms under his pillow and his elbow *just* grazed onto my half of the bed.

I flailed off the covers, grabbed my zebra-print duct tape, stood on the bed, made as much noise as possible while ripping it off, and taped the bed in half. "Don't even touch the tape. Stay on your [expletive] side!!"

Jake: terrified.

Lights off, Erin goes back to sleep. Irritated. Heart still pounding.

Then all of a sudden, she hears a sound that sounds oddly like tape being slowly ripped off of fabric.

Jake was taunting me. The little shit.

Covers flailed off again. Lights on. "What the hell?? I neeeeed that there! You don't understand!! You always go past your half of the bed!!"

"Erin, this is stupid, and unnecessary."

I get defensive, "I'm STUPID??? This is totally necessary!!"

I grab for the tape in Jake's hands. He yanks it back. I grab for it again. He's more coordinated than me - this only infuriates me more.

It's almost midnight. Tired, and very, very irritated, I grab my computer, say a few curse words, and leave the bedroom (mind you, I go to bed at like 9:30. I'm pretty sure if restaurants knew this, I might qualify for their senior discount. Dinner at 4pm makes SO MUCH SENSE!!)

Anyway, Jake is a lover, not a fighter. He wants any issue (especially issues he doesn't understand) to be solved right away. I, on the other hand, can sleep on it and get over it.

ANYway...Jake thought it would be a great idea to follow me down the stairs to solve the problem. Ay mi madre. I whipped around and told him to leave me alone and go back to bed. He persisted. Irrational, hormone-high Erin...decided to do something she would regret forever. (I don't know why I'm talking in third person...)

While telling Jake to leave her alone (in not-so-nice words) she slammed her computer on the stairs...and broke it.

You know those moments that right when they happen you think, "Oh shit. If I had a rewind button, I'd be pushing it right now..." Yeah. That was one of those moments.

Jake immediately says, "Oh my gosh. Did you break your computer?"

I gathered up my computer...and it's pieces, ran into the bathroom, and said, "NO!"

I locked myself in the bathroom and began fixing my computer. It was still on. The screen was dark. It was just the screen, right? I can fix this...right???

Jake, now standing at the door, "Is it broken?"

"No!!" I sounded like a five year old kid who just got caught doing something really, really bad.

Jake went back to bed while I unsuccessfully tried to piece my broken computer back together.

After one more failed, frantic attempt to fix my laptop, I gave up and went to bed.

The next morning, rational Erin was able to fix her computer (with the same duct tape, hot glue, and plugging in the screen).

Pregnancy is fun.

Weird Pregnancy Quirks: 1

At first, I didn't notice. Like a virus, they crept into my system until they completely took control. While still thinking everything was normal (my mom would say I was delusional) Jake knew something else was going on. Something not so awesome. Especially for him...

...I'm talking about hormones, ladies (and gents...if you're still reading). And they successfully completely took control two shockingly terrifying times.

Not that our relationship is perfect, but Jake and I really don't fight that much (except when I "back-seat-drive"). However, pregnant Erin wanted to kick Jake in the balls a few times (don't worry. I didn't go that far. Jack's brothers and sisters are in there!!)

On one particularly scary night (for Jake) we arrived home from a lovely evening out with some friends. I went into the bathroom only to discover that "someone" hadn't put the toilet paper on the roll. This someone noticed that we needed toilet paper and decided to put a new roll on top of the old roll. Pregnant Erin's logic said, "WTF??" So I said, "Hey, Babe, it would totally help me out if, when you saw the need for toilet paper, you actually put the new roll on the thingy and threw the old roll away." At this point, I'm not even irritated. Then Jake said, "Well, all I had to do was blow my nose. I didn't even need to sit down. I figured it was the person's job who was actually going to use the bathroom."

"WTF?" Irritation begins setting in. "Buuut...you obviously saw the need...it takes two seconds. Why didn't you just do it since you grabbed the roll anyway?"

"Like I said, I didn't even need to sit down. I blew my nose, put the toilet paper down, and that was it."

Erin now red in the face - kind of irrationally. "What the hell, man? You were the first person to see the need and you use that bathroom more than me. All I'm saying is that it would have taken you two seconds to put the damn roll on the damn thingy. Ooookaaayyy???"

"But I didn't even need to sit down."

Erin flips a pregnancy lid. Curse words fly. Jake looks scared. Erin stomps (literally, stomps) up the stairs. Then, just to make more noise, throws a brush (THROWS A BRUSH) down the stairs. I'm laughing as I write this.

Needless to say, Jake gets it. Even when he doesn't "need to sit," the roll is on there without fail every time. Thanks, Pregnancy Hormones!

To be continued...

Okay, sometimes I'm a bitch...

Now, while I can be a bitch (and we all know I'm not shy about expressing my opinion on this here blog) I'd generally like to think I'm a pretty nice person. I'm nice to people at the mall who try to sell me things (because I've been there), I'm nice to servers at restaurants regardless of food/service quality (unless, of course, the server is rude) - but I've been there, too. I mean, most of us have been there, right? We know what it's like to be on the other end and how a nice or incredibly rude person can really make a difference in your day. Whether good or bad.

Recently my mom and I were talking about some people. You know, the people who are not that nice/classy/lovable/[insert appropriate word here] everywhere they go.

I recently posted my opinion against letting your baby "cry it out" on someone's Facebook page (oh, lord...facebook). Now, while I completely understand why some parents do it and their logic for it, it's just not for me. Especially with a brand new baby. (Source)

After expressing my opinion, someone commented shortly after me and said something along the lines of, "People against letting their baby cry it out are OUT OF THEIR MINDS." Instead of thinking, "What a douche! This person just attacked my self concept! I'm not out of my mind. WAAAH!!!" yada yada yada, I thought, "How weird. Who says that? And what's their motive?" I know, I know. I should know better. People say whatever they want when behind the computer screen. I've learned that over and over just from this blog...But really, who says that? And what are they like in everyday life? Are they always like that?

I have a hunch that the person in the following video...is probably like this everywhere they go...and holy smokes. I kind of want to punch this snow sport enthusiast in the throat.

First of all, this reporter seems like a nice enough person. Second, she's doing her job. Her producer is the one who told her to go there. Third, guaranteed, the snow tuber in the video is probably a bitch everywhere she goes. At clothing stores, at restaurants, at the bank, on facebook, and even when she's sledding. Those kinds of people...are always those kinds of people. Always.