6.07.2011

Is that what the kids are sayin' now-a-days?

First, an update: we are safely in Ohio and feel slightly out of our element. I live here and am trying to figure out the streets (Hussy has it all figured out - jerk)...which are not like Utah streets at all. The good news: we're literally two minutes from a target, a block and a half from a dog park, down the street from a grocery store, so close to downtown that there's always something fun to do or explore, AND, Hussy's favorite part, we're within walking distance from the school. We're also in a fairly safe area.

Oh! When it rains, it POURS here. Srsly. We were standing in line for the best icecream in the world when it started to drizzle...then rain harder...and harder...and harder. Until we were soaked. SOAKED.

Now to the juice.

A childhood friend of mine who is the sweetest, most innocent Mormon girl on the planet was with a guy she really liked (which her parents love - because, you know, at her old age of 25 she better darn-well get married soon). Things had been going well with this particular guy and she really started to like him. They were hanging out, watching a movie, cuddling, kissing and lovin' on each other...when one thing led to another...AND...
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HE GRABBED HER NEKKED BOOB (under the shirt)! Ew, gross, right? I don't think that has ever happened in the history of Mormon dating. Ever. Wait. You thought I was going to say sex? Nah. That never happens (I mean, holy smokes, peeps. That's the sin next to murder.)

After this, these two Mormon love birds felt real bad about their naughty boob grab. Well, actually, my friend said she felt okay about it because she really likes this guy and well - it just happened naturally. Because it's natural. You know, natural human behavior (but, Mormon doctrine says that the "natural man is an enemy to god." i.e. "being true to yourself is not encouraged or permitted.") But, this boy is related to a prominent church leader with whom he meets regularly. He felt REAL bad...because, heaven forbid, this church leader figure out what his kin's dirty hand did to an innocent daughter of god.

So...

He said, "Why did you let me do that? Every other girl just pushes my hand away. I've never gone that far with anyone. With you it was just...easy." This. is. fer. real.

Feel free to interpret that last statement as, "Holy shit. My closeted pervy ways are going to get found out...and I'm righteous! No one can know. You know what? It wasn't even my fault. It's the fault of this dirty, easy girl I'm with right now. I should never be accountable for my wandering man hand...because I'm a GUY. I can't help it! She should have pushed me away."

Ahem...

I just so happened to be awake at about 3 in the morning (because our apartment was hot) when I got a text that said, "I feel like a bad person." It broke my heart. I responded with a, "WHAT?? WHY??? I think you're a great person!"

Her response, "I got carried away with Matt and I just feel easy."

Oh lordy, what's going on? What. did. he. do??

"Can I call you?" I didn't wait for a response. I called. She told me what happened and what he said after the fact to which I said, "You don't feel like a bad person. You feel like HE thinks you're a bad person."

What a tool. He blamed her for the boob grab. Geez!

See, Mormon boys are taught to avoid anything that will tempt them (however, most post-mission boys will go for it...because they don't have to tell anyone about it in a pre-mission interview...) Including girls who have the nerve to let boys grab their boobs. I mean, let's not mention that the boy went for it. SHE LET HIM! It's all her fault. Geez, if she's wearing skanky clothes and a guy happens to get a boner...pshh, boys, that's her fault. She knows that all ya'll guys have a penis and boys will be boys. She should know better! GAWD!

Right...?

It sounds a lot like this commercial, doesn't it?
It also kind of reminds me of this article of faith: " We believe that men will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression." ...but they failed to mention that everyone will be punished for Eve's. Because, you know, she and all other women hold the morality of men and women in their hands. Choice and accountability is left up to the women. The men just can't help themselves. Frowny face.

16 comments:

Jonas said...

A) Im laughing
and
2) can I punch him?

I blame my wife for everything, but thats just because its fun.

Nicole said...

Oh My God. As I was reading this, I wanted to book a flight to Utah and punch this guy in the face.

Sheesh.. how messed up is that?

Erin said...

Jonas, YES! Punch him! He just so happens to live very close to the neighborhood you're in. I'll give you all the deets later :)

Nicole, I know, right?? Saddest part, this attitude is not uncommon around Utah.

Lisa said...

What a smarmy bastard. Not only is he making her feel guilty but he's making her feel icky and bad and unworthy.

I hope she dropped his cowardly ass.

Jess n' Blake said...

Ugh. Blake said, "Men are just victims to their own hormones." I then proceeded to smack him. (He was being sarcastic btw)
Since when does the girl have control over the boy's mind/body? I really hope she dropped the self-righteous douche on his butt. Even if she did/does really like him.

a house mouse said...

He asked her why she let it happen? What a creep!

Erin said...

Mouse, I know, right?? Ugh!

Noelle said...

Oooo that boils my blood, 1) for him daring to try that stupid guilt trip and 2) for the cultures that have led women to think they're always the guilty party. (also that was the perfect video to sum it all up...GAH!)

Erin said...

Noelle, I was so angry as well. His little guilt trip worked on my friend and she still feels iffy about the whole thing. Makes me wanna kick the guy in the nads and say, "Dude, it's your fault I did that. Because you have balls...and you should have pushed me away." Or something...

Speaking of balls...my word verification is "dulangs..." I find that appropriate.

Heather said...

Thank goodness she thought to call you! Someone to talk some sense into her. Now go and kick him in the dulangs. It's his fault, after all.

I think that's why I found it so refreshing (at the ancient age of 24) to marry a guy who was Mormon in name only. He totally took responsibility for feeling me up ;)

Oh - and when we first moved to Iowa, I remember saying "Wow - the rain is really wet here".

Brittany said...

I had a roommate once who's boyfriend broke up with her because "she didn't make him want to be a better person". This girl was Mormon to a T. It was RIDICULOUS. Apparently he was waiting for a girl who he wasn't 'tempted' by? To me, that's just code for, 'I don't have the balls to own up to my desires (or issues, or whatever you want to call it)' There's so much messed up thinking out there. It makes me want to scream!

Lex(y) said...

This pisses me off so bad! Here is a true story of a relief society meeting during my years in the university wards. The bishop says he needs to talk to the ladies, and proceeds to tell us how two of the boys in the ward have raped two of the girls. The girls no longer want to come to church and feel horrible. He then tells us that we need to stop laying down with these boys because they can't control their emotions and that these two boys are good priesthood holders who let their hormones get the best of them. I was furious and to this day wish I said something instead I just quit going to church until I move back home.

Ana* said...

All i have to say is WOW!
1. He's a jerk
2. I would like to kick him on the balls
3. your friend truly seems like an innocent girl. It was just a boob grab & it was his fault. period.

Great post, xo :)

Erin said...

Heather, we just drove through Iowa. We're practically neighbors...and it's currently raining very wet rain...boo.

Brittany, are you for real?? If that kid is looking for someone who won't tempt him...well...umm...I think he's outta luck.

Lexy, I don't even know how to respond to that. There are so many things I wish I would have said as well. Our Stake President was talking to us once about the difference between the Priesthood and Relief Society. He then condescendingly asks, "Now, what keys do the sisters have?" (I felt like he was trying to speak to five year olds with his tone). Then one guy spoke up and said that the women don't hold any of the priesthood keys to which the SP laughs and says, "Har har har. The only keys the Relief Society sisters have are to the building!" I am shitting you not.

Ana, your third point is the thing I really want her to see. She still feels a little bad which makes me want to go all Lorena Bobbitt on her boob-grabber.

ashley @ divorced at 20 said...

video clip freaking AMAZING

cbowiephoto said...

Great friend you are! Fun story. Great blog