I've started writing this blog post over and over and over. And I really do not know where to begin.
I love this little space on the internet that I've created for myself. I love my followers - many of you are kindred spirits which is why you come here (even the trolls like it. Which is why they keep coming back).
A good 50% of my posts are completely embarrassing. I've thought about going through them, editing them, deleting them, deleting the blog. Truth be told, this blog has been a vessel for several things. It was one of THE best things as I exited Mormonism...but now I'm so tired of that topic, I could puke.
It was a great place for me to practice my writing skills in college. I still feel like I use it for that...
I must admit, though. It was so much easier to blog when I was anonymous. I enjoyed it more. Felt more comfortable to say what I wanted to say. PENIS! See?? Half of you just left my blog to go to Facebook because you're offended.
I'm trying to keep the brand of "Foxy Pink Cheetah" and remain in my safe place...but I need to reinvent myself as the author of this blog.
I'm enjoying parenting - and wife-ing. And have an adorable son and awesome husband and can blog plenty about that. Even the not-so-glamorous stuff. Like when my adorable baby Jack isn't being so adorable and won't sleep a solid six hours. And like when my awesome husband leaves every pair of shoes he owns under our kitchen table and I have to move every sweaty, stinky pair into his closet. Speaking of closets, he needs to organize his.
But I digress.
Can I be completely honest on here without being anonymous? I really don't think I can... Not completely, at least. It's not proper netiquette to say, "You're obsessed with the before/after of pregnant bodies." Why? Because people who read this will be asking, "Is she talking about me?? What a b-word." And I just might be. But really, I'm not. Because if you read this blog, or I THINK you read this blog, I ain't gonna talk aboutcha.
I digress again. Surprised?
So should I join the droves of parenting/wife-ing/photography.because.I.own.an.expensive.camera/I.craft.because.no.one.cares/my.baby.is.cuter.than.your.baby/my.body.is.better.than.your.body/cutest.family.on.the.web blogs?? Should I just roll all of that together into one blog, add in my honesty and narcissism and call it good? (Because, fo' real, I do like to craft. I like to take pictures of my son. I like wife-ing - because I do it my way. I do think my baby is the cutest. I do want a hot, healthy body. I like to say it like it is. And I like the way I think. REALLY!)
I wanna be liked. I do. Who doesn't?? But I want to be honest. And sometimes I bitch about stuff. For instance, I don't decorate for holidays (except for Christmas because all of my decorations are nostalgic) because my son isn't old enough to give shit. Next year, he will be. (Speaking of shit, don't worry. I don't say that word in front of my son. We talk about colors and butterflies). YA KNOW??
I want to blog as "myself," but if people know it's me...I can't really be myself. Because I bitch - and I want to be liked. Because I'm real. Because I'm a narcissist. Because I make fun of people who try too hard to keep up appearances. Because sometimes, I talk about people I know - because those are my real life experiences.
And where is the tact in that? How the eff do I blog about real experiences without people knowing that IT'S THEM??? How the eff do I reinvent myself without losing my voice? Shit.balls.
Rock meet hard place.