Reinventing Myself

Writer's block.

I've started writing this blog post over and over and over. And I really do not know where to begin.

I love this little space on the internet that I've created for myself. I love my followers - many of you are kindred spirits which is why you come here (even the trolls like it. Which is why they keep coming back).

A good 50% of my posts are completely embarrassing. I've thought about going through them, editing them, deleting them, deleting the blog. Truth be told, this blog has been a vessel for several things. It was one of THE best things as I exited Mormonism...but now I'm so tired of that topic, I could puke.

It was a great place for me to practice my writing skills in college. I still feel like I use it for that...

I must admit, though. It was so much easier to blog when I was anonymous. I enjoyed it more. Felt more comfortable to say what I wanted to say. PENIS! See?? Half of you just left my blog to go to Facebook because you're offended.

I'm trying to keep the brand of "Foxy Pink Cheetah" and remain in my safe place...but I need to reinvent myself as the author of this blog.

I'm enjoying parenting - and wife-ing. And have an adorable son and awesome husband and can blog plenty about that. Even the not-so-glamorous stuff. Like when my adorable baby Jack isn't being so adorable and won't sleep a solid six hours. And like when my awesome husband leaves every pair of shoes he owns under our kitchen table and I have to move every sweaty, stinky pair into his closet. Speaking of closets, he needs to organize his.

But I digress.

Can I be completely honest on here without being anonymous? I really don't think I can... Not completely, at least. It's not proper netiquette to say, "You're obsessed with the before/after of pregnant bodies." Why? Because people who read this will be asking, "Is she talking about me?? What a b-word." And I just might be. But really, I'm not. Because if you read this blog, or I THINK you read this blog, I ain't gonna talk aboutcha.

I digress again. Surprised?

So should I join the droves of parenting/wife-ing/photography.because.I.own.an.expensive.camera/I.craft.because.no.one.cares/my.baby.is.cuter.than.your.baby/my.body.is.better.than.your.body/cutest.family.on.the.web blogs?? Should I just roll all of that together into one blog, add in my honesty and narcissism and call it good? (Because, fo' real, I do like to craft. I like to take pictures of my son. I like wife-ing - because I do it my way. I do think my baby is the cutest. I do want a hot, healthy body. I like to say it like it is. And I like the way I think. REALLY!)

I wanna be liked. I do. Who doesn't?? But I want to be honest. And sometimes I bitch about stuff. For instance, I don't decorate for holidays (except for Christmas because all of my decorations are nostalgic) because my son isn't old enough to give shit. Next year, he will be. (Speaking of shit, don't worry. I don't say that word in front of my son. We talk about colors and butterflies). YA KNOW??

I want to blog as "myself," but if people know it's me...I can't really be myself. Because I bitch - and I want to be liked. Because I'm real. Because I'm a narcissist. Because I make fun of people who try too hard to keep up appearances. Because sometimes, I talk about people I know - because those are my real life experiences.

And where is the tact in that? How the eff do I blog about real experiences without people knowing that IT'S THEM??? How the eff do I reinvent myself without losing my voice? Shit.balls.

Rock meet hard place.


rachfishop said...

Pictures of perfection make me sick and wicked, as Jane Austin said, so be yourself, bitch away if you need to... and only the thinnest skinned will take offence at a general observation even if it does highlight how totally ridiculous we are sometimes!

If you're genuinely interested in something - babies, crafts, whatever... I'd say write about it. Chances are you'll strike a chord with a lot of us.

Personally, I've set my off-limits boundary at any negative reference to an identifiable private individual, or giving away any information about someone that they wouldn't want shared. I do sometimes pull the focus back and make a general observation, if necessary merging incidents so that I'm reporting accurately without betraying personal detail. (If someone insists on picking up a negative general observation that I've made to claim it's about themselves personally, that's their lookout).

This is mostly an issue for me at work, not on my personal blog, but funnily enough I posted just yesterday that I have to gloss over a lot of negatives in my life when I blog, just for privacy reasons. No-one minds you blogging about the happy fun stuff in life, but many of the bad things have to go unsaid - so no wonder everyone else's life looks all superhappy la-la-land online!

Megs said...

Um, I love reading your posts. All the opinions and all they entail! Go ahead, talk about me, doesn't bother me a bit! I think you've got a great style and everyone knows you are YOU, so don't let anything get to you. Just...write how you feel, and write it as often as you want! Because what are blogs for, right??!

Amy Bigelow said...

Dude, I know what you mean about this kind of stuff. I can relate.

I think the direction you've taken your blog is a great direction. If you still need that outlet for where you can vent anonymously, create a secret blog as well.

Above all, DO WHAT YOU WANT. Fuck anyone that has something negative to say about what/who you are. Cause who you are is why you are awesome.

Also, Shit.Balls. is an amazing way to end a post. <3 you.